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Expect and Inspect: How to Protect Your Teen in Three Easy Steps
By: Mason Duchatschek
Young, wild, and free ... isn't that what it's supposed to feel like to be a teenager? While it's normal for teens to push and discover their limits, it's also dangerous. Due in large part to the fact that parenting decisions are only as sound as the information on which they're based, more parents are choosing to rely on tools and technology than gut instinct.
Here are three strategies for parents concerned about their children's safety:
1. Install a GPS system in your teen's car.
In the old days, parents would check their cars for new scratches, dents, or overly fast tire wear and ask other parents if they had seen their kids driving recklessly or beyond their geographic limits.
Parents who utilize GPS technology know where their car is, where it has been, and how fast it has been driven. When continued driving privileges are tied to responsible use, safer driving results. More importantly, teens know that their parents have access to this information, which makes them feel safer if they get lost or into trouble. It's like having a parent in the car at all times.
2. Install software for monitoring email and chat room conversations.
Sexual predators target teens in Internet chat rooms. Parents should obviously urge their kids not to give out personal information or agree to meet someone they "met" on the Internet. However, since teens know their online activities are a privilege and can be monitored, they've got a constant reminder. Parents urge teens to resist talking or behaving online any differently than they would if their parents were in the room because, in a way, they are.
3. Initiate a parent - child contract and home drug testing program.
Peer pressure often increases when kids "just say no" to drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. Kids need a "socially acceptable" excuse, and the words "My parents test me" stop pushy peers in their tracks. Parent and Child Contract Software (PACCS), developed by Dr. Michael Reznicek, helps facilitate conversations and establish expectations (including both rewards and consequences) between parents and teens regarding drug use. Home drug testing kits can be administered at home and provide instant results for a fraction of the cost of a lab, without sacrificing accuracy or privacy.
Author Bio
Mason Duchatschek has interviewed thousands of parents, teenagers, school board members, counselors, school principals and superintendents. He is the president of www.TestMyTeen.com (mason@testmyteen.com) based in Fenton, Missouri.
Educating Your Children: The Home Schooling Option
By: Colin P
An ever growing number of thoughtful parents are concerned about the status of public schools in many cites across North America. At the same time, a good number of families are struggling to make ends meet. They simply do not have excess funds available to send their children to private schools. One solution that many families are embracing is home schooling. With each passing school year, more and more families in North America -- indeed, in many countries around the world -- are electing the home schooling for their children.
There are some definite benefits and specific drawbacks to choosing home schooling for your children. Turning to the positive elements of home schooling first, chief amongst them is the fact that parents have greater control over the education of their children.
One of the more significant complaints frequently expressed about both public and private schools is the lack of input and control a parent has over the education of his or her child or children. While there are certain educational standards that must be met when it comes to home schooling, a parent has a significant degree of discretion over how his or her child or children will be taught.
In addition to more control over the educational process, most parents who are involved in the home schooling of their children believe that their children are obtaining a far better course of education. Many of these parents simply believe that public schools are not up to muster and that home schooling ensures that their children will be properly educated.
Of course, when contrasting home schooling with the private school alternative, educating your children at home is significantly less expensive. The tuition costs and other fees associated with most private schools continue to increase each and every year. As a result, many families simply have been priced out of the private school market all together.
People who are involved in home schooling believe that educating children at home works to develop a stronger bond between parents and children. The very fact that children will be spending more time with their parents because of being schooled in the home enriches the relationship between the generations.
There are some drawbacks to home schooling as well. The primary complaint that some education experts have in regard to home schooling is based on the need for children to interact socially with other children. These experts maintain that one of the most important components of attending school -- be it in a public or private setting -- are the opportunities for children to interact with each other. These opportunities are more limited when a child is home schooled.
With that said, there are now different organizations and associations that have been formed that bring children who are home schooled together for different activities and events. Home schooling advocates assert that these activities and events allow children who are home schooled ample opportunity to interact with other children their own ages.
Most education analysts believe that the trend towards home schooling will continue onward into the immediate future. These experts believe that an ever growing number of parents are going to elect to educate their children at home as an alternative to problematic public schools and expensive private schools.
The Four Parenting Styles
By: Hanif Khaki
The following article offers some insight to those involved in the wonderful world known as Parenting.
There are just as many parenting styles as there are a number of parents. Experts believe the parenting styles fall into 4 different and identifiable styles: authoritarian, indulgent, authoritative, and uninvolved.
Let's examine this more closely. The first parenting style is that of the authoritarian parent. These parents are like army commanders. They prefer to issue commands and orders to their children and fully expect their children to carry out their orders without questioning them. Authoritarians do not welcome nor appreciate any feedback from their children. They live by set and defined rules in a structured environment.. These children as we now know, are generally considered to have an unhappy nature about them. Boys generally exhibit hostile behaviour when dealing with frustration, whereas girls tend to give up easily when faced with difficult situations. Both the boys and girls however, tend to perform better in school due to their disciplined upbringing.
The second parenting style is the indulgent parent. These parents are generally lenient. They allow a variety of behaviours by their children that some would describe as immature. Essentially, they let the children look after themselves and avoid confronting them at all costs. Indulgent parents may also be described as non-directive or democratic. Non-directive parents are known to parent by default, that is, by taking virtually no action in parenting of their children. Democratic parents, though lenient, are more aware and show a committment to engage with their children.
The third parenting style is that of the authoritative parent. These parents are both demanding and responsive at the same time. Authoritative parents while expecting their their children to behave in a certain manner, don't impose their authority and welcome a certain amount of questioning. They demonstrate a combination of assertiveness coupled with the ability to respond to their children's feedback. These children appear to be more lively and have a happier disposition about them. Their self-confidence is more developed they seem to be more sure of their abilities. These children also show better emotional control and are more adept in their social skills. Gender stereotypes are also less of an issue with authoritative parents, as they tend to be more open minded in their outlook towards their children's behaviour, i.e. boys playing with dolls and girls playing with tools.
Lastly, we look at the parenting style known as "uninvolved parenting". As the name suggests, these parents are simply uninvolved. They are neither demanding nor responsive of their children and they are not interested in any feedback from them. These parents are the most likely to be irresponsible and more often neglect their children.
We hope you found the above information insightful and will seek out the many more resources available on this topic online.
Author Bio
Hanif Khaki is the acclaimed author of numerous parenting related articles and the founder of the popular parenting resource site www.parenting-info.inform-about.com
Changing Your Child's Behavior With Positive Reinforcement
By: Destry Maycock, MSWThink about your interactions with your children today. How many things did you notice they did wrong? What did you do or say to them because of their wrong doings? Have they engaged in the same kind of behavior before? What did you do or say the times before? Is it working? How many things did you notice your children did right today? If you did take the time to notice, what did you do or say to them? Did you praise or reward them in some way? If so, then read no further and keep up the good work. If you could use a little work on doing this, then read on.
Let's face it. We parents often neglect to notice the positive things our children do. Rather, we tend to focus on our children's negative behaviors, because they either annoy us or otherwise make our lives difficult. Have you ever heard the phrase, "that which gets noticed gets repeated?" If all we ever notice is the negative things our children do, then why would they do anything different? It is as if we program our children to believe "if I'm only noticed when I do something wrong, then so be it."
It is just as important, if not more, to notice our children's positive behaviors. Remember most behaviors are controlled by their consequences. Some may believe rewarding kids for positive behavior is bribery. We all receive rewards daily for doing things well, at work, at home, and at play. These rewards often motivate us to continue the behaviors for which they were received. Where parents use rewards ineffectively is when they give a positive consequence to stop an inappropriate behavior. For example, "I'll give you a cookie if you stop whining." This only encourages the inappropriate behavior. Where as rewarding kids for their positive behaviors is quite the opposite and much more productive.
Using positive reinforcement to strengthen a desired behavior is easy. Just watch and wait for the behavior to occur then reinforce it with praise, a pat on the back or a special privilege. It may go something like this, "David, I really appreciate how you came in the house when I asked and you even did it without a big hassle. You should feel good about being able to do that." How about, "Wow Jamie, your bedroom looks awesome. You must have worked really hard on it. I bet you worked up a healthy appetite. Why don't you decide what we have for lunch today."
Focusing on your children's positive behaviors could be the most productive parenting change you make if you don't already do it. Chances are you have been trained like the rest of us to only call attention to the bad things your kids do. This phenomenon isn't found solely in the parent/child relationship. It is also prevalent in spousal, sibling and employee/employer relationships. When was the last time your boss called you into his office and asked you to shut the door? Was it because he just wanted to tell you what a wonderful job you are doing and how valuable of an employee you are? If so, lucky you. More than likely, it was because he wanted to talk to you about something he thought you could do better or you were doing something wrong. People tend to take positive behavior for granted and punish negative behaviors.
Some parents find it helpful to make a note and put it where they can see it often. The note might read, "notice the positive" or "catch'em doing good." You may also want to consider using a jar of consequences, a parenting tool that parents can use to help them focus on and reinforce the positive behaviors their children exhibit.
Catch your kids being good. It could have a profound affect on the atmosphere in your home. Whatever it takes I assure you it will be worth it.
Author Bio
Destry Maycock, MSW has had over eleven years experience working with children and families as a professional social worker. Destry has helped hundreds of parents solve a variety of parenting challenges and strengthen their relationships with their children. Destry enjoys developing tools that help parents with the difficult but rewarding duty of raising children. His most recent creations can be found at www.parentingstore.com
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Ten Tips to Tame Your Child's Temper Tantrums
By: Destry Maycock, MSW
David's mother explained, "Whenever David doesn't get his way he throws himself on the floor, screams, kicks and cries incessantly. What can we do to help him overcome this behavior?"
TIP: What is David getting out of this behavior? First make sure that you are not rewarding this type of behavior, positively or negatively because both will help keep it alive. If you eventually give in to this behavior by changing your initial decision (not letting David go out to play, refusing David a cookie), David has learned that tantrums work. Hence, when David wants his way he may think, " a good tantrum just may get me that candy bar, it got me out of bedtime last night." Negative attention (yelling, threatening, ridicule, spanking) seldom changes the behavior. Getting you upset may be just as rewarding as giving in to their demands. So again, make sure you are not unintentionally rewarding David for this behavior.
TIP: Be proactive. Think of the situations that invite David's
meltdowns and head them off before they happen. Do questions that require a yes or no answer provoke a tantrum? Instead of "Do you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch David?" try "It is time for lunch David. Would you like PB&J or macaroni and cheese?" Advance notice may help as well. "We will be leaving Grandma's in ten minutes. Get everything you want to take care of completed before we go." Is David more likely to throw a tantrum when he is tired? Then you may want to provide an opportunity for him to take a nap.
TIP: Consequence. Be sure to tie the consequence back to the misbehavior. "David, remember the last time we went to the store and you threw a fit because I wouldn't let you have that Power Ranger? Remember how you kept putting it in the cart and screaming that you wanted it? Well I am going shopping but you won't be going with me. I just don't feel like dealing with that kind of behavior today. Mrs. Hamblin is here to watch you until I get back. Try to make the best of it. Love ya, bye."
TIP: Move David to a different location. The key is for you to model taking care of yourself. Your ears hurt when you hear David's screaming. You may not be able to control whether or not David has a tantrum, but you can control where he does it. "Tantrums are for the bedroom. Let's go." You may want to give him a choice. "Where do you want to be until you can get that under control, the bathroom or the laundry room? If David can't decide quickly, you decide for him. Come on out when there is no more crying and screaming."
TIP: Notice the exceptions. Point out the times when David may have thrown a tantrum but did not. "I really appreciate how you came in the house when I asked without throwing a "fit". You should feel good about being able to do that."
TIP: Give the behavior a name. This will help externalize the problem, which is to say, it separates the person from the problem. It helps David and the family view the behavior as the problem and not him (the problem is the problem). For example, you could call David's tantrums the "uglies". This can help put David and you on the same side in the battle against the "uglies". Questions like "can you think of a time when you have beat the "uglies" David? How did you do it? or how do you know when the "uglies" are coming? What can you do to stop them? "David may enjoy the imagery of conquering the "uglies" and this can give David a sense of control over the behavior.
TIP: Acknowledge his feelings. This aligns you with David and sets the stage for him to begin to work through his own problems.
David: "Dad, can I get this Power Ranger?"
Dad: "No, David I am not buying toys today."
David: Eyebrows coming closer together and lip starting to pucker. "But it is the last one I need and I will have them all."
Dad: "Not today David."
David: Screaming and crying. "You never get me anything I ask for. You don't love me."
Dad: Acknowledging David's feelings. "You must feel really sad about not being able to get the Power Ranger. I know I sometimes feel bad when I can't get what I want."
David: Sniffling. "Yea, I really want it."
Dad: "Tell you what. (Taking pen and paper out of planner) I will write this down as "things David wants"."
David: "Okay Dad."
You can later use this list for surprises or gifts for special occasions.
TIP: Tell David what you are going to do. "David, I'll come back down stairs when you get that under control" or "I will be happy to talk to you when you are not crying and you voice is soft like mine."
TIP: Ignore the tantrum. If your have the will power to outright ignore the behavior you must remember that it may get worse before it gets better. That is, when David's behavior doesn't produce the desired results, he may turn it up a notch to see if a higher intensity level gets a response. Be careful. If you give in and respond to the higher level or longer duration, David learns that is how intense or how long he needs to tantrum from now on in order to receive attention.
TIP: Direct David toward a different way of expressing how he feels. "David, here is some paper and crayons. How about drawing how you are feeling right now." This is a positive, less annoying way of communicating how he feels.
Author Bio
Destry Maycock has over eleven years experience working with children and families as a professional social worker. Destry has helped hundreds of parents solve a variety of parenting challenges and strengthen their relationships with their children. Destry enjoys developing products that help parents. Visit www.parentingstore.com to see the latest parenting programs.
